Challenging Faith or Challenging Myself?

My life as been so perfectly imperfect, sometimes I ask if it will ever be ... what I hope or desire or expect or want it to be. Without trying to sound pathetic, I must admit, at least 50% of the time I think, I ponder my troubles that just never seem to leave me. I try to "forgive" the people who have hurt me, but they continue to do so, or I never find consolation with their resolve and I feel like I'm left hanging... with such lack... with no one to fill their place.
And then, I have tried, like so many people I have met at churches and things say, Jesus will fill that empty place.
I pray, I talk to Him... but... I still feel empty.

I feel like there is something eternally wrong with me, and no matter what I do or say, or try, it is never Right (yeah, with a capital R ).
I try to praise Him (and in my heart I do and I AM grateful and thankful), but sometimes it feels so fake... I mean, you can't DENY your pain when you praise Him... I guess that is what I am trying to find out, or ... accept. God is good.. but, my life may not always be. I have things, but oftentimes, my heart aches. My soul.... I feel misunderstood... I feel like no one even cares to Try to understand.
I feel alone.
Most times being alone doesn't bother me.... but... I guess certain situations that I expect or desire to be... more unified, at failure, make me feel, solitary.
So small in such a big world..
And I see so much of what other people, other happy people have... and I question why can't my life be so?
Why can't I have what every healthy whole normal person wants in life?
Why is my life vexed with this vexation?
Is it me, or is it God?
Am I wrong for doing what I can? I ask Him for help, for guidance...for answers...
I guess I am so blind? I hate my own lack of humility. But how can a person try to be humble?
Who am I, or who do I think I am? that I am not. Who I want to be......
God help me!