I guess it's foolish and self righteous of me to feel how I feel about my situation right now.
I am a woman redeemed by God. Before I "met" Jesus and asked him to wash away my sins, I was very much laden with sin, and evil and the filth of the world.
Even after I repented and was clean, I had a few personal relationship based strongholds that lead me away from the Cross.
I never really wanted to be "away" for God, and he always accepted me and loved me still when I came humbly and ashamedly back to him.

Now I am in a situation where I am forced to be put in my own place, so to say.
I am on the other side of the plate. I am not God, but I feel like I am in the place of knowing the Lord and trying to or wanting to live Right, and being opposed to my face by a significant other.
Even in the name of Jesus.

It frustrates me
It angers me
I want to go and leave
I'm torn because I believe God has told me to wait and stay and watch to see what He will do, but my disappointment and anger just grows, as I hope day in and day out, only to get let down again.
It has caused me to question my faith. It has caused me to question myself,... "was I wrong in what I believed of you LORD?"

It has made me so angry inside, that I almost would rather just walk away than try to wait it out and see if God will do a good thing ( that He said - I believe- He would do. )


I don't know how to get over this.
I just don't know what to do.

It's Your Choice!

So much in life is what we make of it, and I am determined to make my life Great. Why settle for less when you can have the best?! Anytime people are inhibited or held back from living their dreams, it's usually because of their own undealt with shortcomings, attitude problems and unacknowledged sin. Therefore, I say to you and everyone reading, Your life is your own, that you Are responsible and that you are the only one who can choose on which path you will go!
We that have Jesus have the Power of God! And Our God Never Fails~!
Have a Blessed Day !

What's up :)

I wish I had something to write about here that was loaded with emotion and self-actualization and all that jazz but lately all I had been dealing with was frustration, so it feels good to not have to come on here to vent :) :) :)


But, nonetheless I feel like there's not much to say, but I will say this, I have been thinking real hard and for a very long time about creating some sort of poetry artwork for my somewhat large collection of poetry writing. I have had a few different ideas but I think the easiest is to create (paint) some frames and write them up and sell them. I had wanted to find someone (possibly) to illustrate or create colorful backgrounds for some of the poems, but I haven't found any willing body. But if you are interested in either getting a framed and hand written poem by me, or even if you might be interested in designing beautiful backgrounds or if you have any other ideas you would like to share with me, send me an email @ innocenceangel56@yahoo.com
Put "iangel poetry" in the subject, and I will write you back!

Other than that your prayers and positive thoughts are always loved and much appreciated by me!
Hope everyone has a Great Weekend, God is Love and Godbless!
Love, iA

# 2

So I want to say, that after writing my last post (tonight), I decided to read some of the Word and I opened my Bible to Hebrews the end of chapter 6, and it was really encouraging... to not lose faith or hope, and it reminded me that God IS always faithful and will keep the promises he made me.
In my life I have figured out that I tend to retain feelings and thoughts and so writing became an outlet for me to get free. SO, I don't like to post such negative things all the time (referring to the last post) but to be honest, life has it's ups and downs. God is in them all... I feel better now though. Hopeful... Because I know that my God is Faithful. And True.

Challenging Faith or Challenging Myself?

My life as been so perfectly imperfect, sometimes I ask if it will ever be ... what I hope or desire or expect or want it to be. Without trying to sound pathetic, I must admit, at least 50% of the time I think, I ponder my troubles that just never seem to leave me. I try to "forgive" the people who have hurt me, but they continue to do so, or I never find consolation with their resolve and I feel like I'm left hanging... with such lack... with no one to fill their place.
And then, I have tried, like so many people I have met at churches and things say, Jesus will fill that empty place.
I pray, I talk to Him... but... I still feel empty.

I feel like there is something eternally wrong with me, and no matter what I do or say, or try, it is never Right (yeah, with a capital R ).
I try to praise Him (and in my heart I do and I AM grateful and thankful), but sometimes it feels so fake... I mean, you can't DENY your pain when you praise Him... I guess that is what I am trying to find out, or ... accept. God is good.. but, my life may not always be. I have things, but oftentimes, my heart aches. My soul.... I feel misunderstood... I feel like no one even cares to Try to understand.
I feel alone.
Most times being alone doesn't bother me.... but... I guess certain situations that I expect or desire to be... more unified, at failure, make me feel, solitary.
So small in such a big world..
And I see so much of what other people, other happy people have... and I question why can't my life be so?
Why can't I have what every healthy whole normal person wants in life?
Why is my life vexed with this vexation?
Is it me, or is it God?
Am I wrong for doing what I can? I ask Him for help, for guidance...for answers...
I guess I am so blind? I hate my own lack of humility. But how can a person try to be humble?
Who am I, or who do I think I am? that I am not. Who I want to be......
God help me!